She Loves Us, and We Love Her

Abby loves us (Ryan and me) - I can tell in the way she gets excited to see us, in her hugs and kisses, in her sweetness to us, in her desire to have us play with her. She loves Cheyenne too - I can tell in the way she talks about her, in her desire to call her, in her desire to have her come to things (like Thanksgiving), in her hugs and reaching up to hold her hand. I think children can love more than two people as their parent. Even in closed adoptions I think the children love their birth parents, without knowing them. I'm grateful Abby has more than two people who love her as deeply and unconditionally as parents do, and that she loves all of us back. And if I do this adoption thing right, I hope Cheyenne will always be there to share in Abby's big moments, those times when being the child's parent are so special - when she gets baptized, when she goes on her first date, when she heads to college, when she gets married, etc. I hope Cheyenne will feel like Abby's mom, and that Abby will feel like she is. The roles of birth mom and adoptive mom are different, but they are both important. I remember one of my adoptive mom friends saying this and I didn't understand it at the time. I do now - we both play a significant role in Abby's life, and always will. (Confession: I didn't start out as comfortable with Cheyenne still being seen as Abby's mom. There was part of me that felt like if she still was Mom, then I was sharing motherhood with her which made my role less of mom than someone who was raising a child born to them. It has taken time as well as insights from my amazing adoption community to help me feel more secure in my role as Abby's mom while also validating Cheyenne's role. I'm grateful for this perspective switch and grateful to have Cheyenne to share this motherhood role with. I still have a ways to go with this, but it's coming along.)
My songs for today: "Everything to Me" by Mark Schultz (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhqJYOYcnAU) and "Forever and For Always" by Shania Twain (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpT-FW_G8-A)