I Get To Be The One

For many adoptive parents there is a lot of guilt - they feel guilty that they are benefiting from something that is causing another person (or people) so much pain. The extent of the guilt can be physically crippling and can hamper bonding with the child. It can take a long time to overcome the guilt.
I was blessed not to feel guilt. I didn't feel like I had caused Cheyenne's pain, I didn't feel like it was my fault. But I did feel pain for her. I still feel pain for her. I wish that things could be easier for her. I wish she could have the "perfect life" (whatever that is). I wish that she didn't have to miss out on so much of Abby. While I feel that Abby is fully my daughter, I also feel like she is Cheyenne's daughter. Not that we co-parent, but placing Abby didn't strip Cheyenne of being a mother. She is ever present on my mind and in my heart. And when Abby learns something new or does something cute I wish she could be there with us to experience it too. (One of the great benefits of smart phones - I can send pics and descriptions so she at least gets a taste of it.) I can't say that when Abby is being a pill (yes, even my practically perfect Abby has her moments smile emoticon ) I feel bad for Cheyenne that she can't be there with us, but you get the point. I am so grateful that I get to be the one to hold Abby, to play with her, to teach her, to watch her grow, to hold her and read to her and kiss her and snuggle her and love her. So grateful!
Today's song: "I Get to Be the One" by JJ Heller (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lDCgxbX878)