If Time Could Stand Still

When Abby was in the hospital we didn't know how long she would be there. The doctors weren't super helpful with providing a time-line or anything. It was all dependent on when she would start eating on her own well enough. From my perspective they were expecting too much and giving too little to try to teach her. I was so anxious to get her home! I couldn't advocate for her or make any decisions or anything. I wasn't her mom, there was nothing I could do but pray. 
I have never actually asked Cheyenne what she was thinking during that time, so I may be wrong. But I believe during those 3 weeks Abby was in the hospital she had mixed feelings. She loves Abby so much so of course she wanted her to get well and be healthy. But while Abby was in the hospital she got to be the one to make the decisions, to spend as much time with her as she wanted, to be her mom. She LOVED just sitting in the room and having Abby sleep on her chest. She loved getting to change her clothes and take care of her. She LOVED being Abby's mom. So I'm pretty sure there was part of her that wanted that hospital time to go on forever. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to know that that time was going to come to an end. I'm sure it broke her. 
Before we were able to bring Abby home from the hospital we had to do what is called "rooming in". It is when the parents stay at the hospital and care for the child 100% to show that once you get home things will be okay. When they first told us that we were getting close to rooming in they said they thought we would probably do it for 2 days. Two parents could be there. Cheyenne decided she would do the first night of rooming in on her own, and then I could do the second night with her. That was what the plan was. But then Friday morning our case worker called and told me the hospital had said we would start rooming in as soon as I could get to the hospital and that we would only be doing it for one day, and they wanted the parents bringing her home to be the ones to room in (which makes sense since that is the point of the process, but it meant Cheyenne couldn't be part of it unless she decided to parent.) 
It was hard on Cheyenne, and I was heart broken for her. She did spend all of Friday there with us until late in the evening when only Ryan and I were allowed to stay (he came over after work). Cheyenne never shared with me how she was feeling emotionally. She never really even cried in front of me. If she was going to cry she would leave the room. But I knew she was struggling. This is one of the hard things about adoption. Knowing how much this person you love so much and are so grateful for is dying inside, and there is nothing you can do to make it better. 
Anyway, I imagine that as the time approached for her to leave that night that she was dreading it. She came back the next morning with her parents, but that last day was the last time for her to feel like she was fully mom (at least that's what I think.) I'm sure all birth parents go through the feeling of wanting those last few moments together to last forever. So, so hard.
I have 3 songs for today: "Daylight" by Maroon 5 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N17FXwRWEZs), "Awake" by Josh Groban (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL71Za0Kpqg), and "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw)