Home

When we were first confronting our infertility it was really hard for me. As I wrote about before, I was a mess for a while. But once people started praying for us (prayers REALLY do help, I've felt them) and I started trusting my Heavenly Father and Savior things got much better. My Savior carried my burden for me. I was about to say I don't know how or why, but that's not true. He did through the Atonement, because He loves me. He loves me not because of anything I've done, but because of what He's done and who He is. (I wrote about this carrying of my burden before, you can read about it if you want: http://choosingadoption.blogspot.com/2011/03/christ-carries-our-burdens.html) There were definitely times when I felt my infertility and our lack of children poignantly, but most of the time I was still able to enjoy life and be happy. I tried focusing on the things we were able to do easily since we didn't have kids yet (work at the temple, travel, date, alone time with Ryan, etc.) and just enjoying the stage we were in. (There was actually a time when Heavenly Father directly told me that this time was given to me as a gift, that once children came my life would never be so care-free again, so enjoy it while it lasted, so I did smile emoticon). But even though I was able to be happy during that time (and I do think of that time as a gift - especially because I was able to enjoy it - even at church and baby showers and family events with my 30 nieces and nephews and very fertile sisters smile emoticon I can still say I was so completely thrilled to have that stage end. I enjoyed my job. I really liked teaching at TCU. (I had really liked doing research before that.) I LOVED working at the temple. We loved the time we spent serving with the young single adults in our church. But when Abby came and I had to give those things up I had no second thoughts about it. (I did finish the few weeks of my semester, but I haven't worked since.) People asked me if being home with Abby was hard and if I missed working. Being home with Abby has not been hard, I love it. I do miss the work I did, but those few weeks when I was still working and I had to be away from Abby for a few hours were not pleasant for me, I would have much rather been with her, even though I liked my job. Abby made my life feel so much more complete, and I have loved it, more so than I would have if things had worked out according to my plan. My life is awesome - so grateful Heavenly Father knows so much better than me smile emoticon!
Songs for today: "Come Home" by One Republic (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83WqTeuWEAE) and "Feels Like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-ouxPhYy7Y)