Thanks

Well,

Being the week of Thanksgiving I thought I would do a post about blessings I have received because of not yet having children. Some of the blessings I have received are related to things I have learned and personal growth - but I have also had opportunities I likely would not have had if I had been able to have children as soon as I would have liked. Here are some of these opportunities:

1) Temple Worker - Towards the end of graduate school I was attending the temple and talking with one of the workers there about how long she had been serving in the temple. I learned at that time that women that have children in the house cannot be temple workers since their primary responsibility is to be home with their children. I decided once I graduated that I would like the opportunity to serve in the temple and requested to be a temple worker. Several months later Ryan and I were both asked to serve in the temple. We started a little more than 3 years ago. We love it. We have learned a lot about temple ordinances and covenants, have received answers to prayers and additional guidance, we have been strengthened, we have grown closer together as a couple, and have been blessed in other ways. It has been a great experience, one that I feel will help me to be a better mother when the time comes.

2) Seminary Teacher - My last year of graduate school I was asked to teach early morning seminary (a religion class taught before school for high school students). This may have been one of the most challenging callings of my life. I love teaching, I love teenagers, and I love the gospel, so it should have been a perfect fit for me, and in many ways it was. It was a challenge for me because I had to learn that 6:00 am is not the time when teenagers shine. It is also difficult because teenagers don't express a lot of appreciation or other emotion. Usually when you serve in the church you have other adults that let you know you are doing a good job or that they are grateful for your service - they let you know that what you are doing matters. Not only did I not receive those affirmations, I had a couple students who picked on me. They made me feel like I was back in high school being bullied. It was hard on me. It was also during this time that we were realizing how hard having children would be, so I was already struggling emotionally. Other than serving as a full-time missionary this was by far the most demanding calling I have ever had. It was Old Testament, which I had read all the way through before but it is the the scripture I am least familiar with. I spent 15-20 hours a week studying and preparing lessons, plus 5 hours teaching - so it was a part time job for me (while I was finishing up my last year of graduate school.) So why would I be grateful for such a challenging experience? It is the only time other than my mission when I have become so immersed in the scriptures - I learned a lot and gained a much deeper and greater love for the Old Testament. I learned how to be a better teacher. I learned more about forgiveness, not judging, and love. I am certain I learned more than any of my students. I hope to have the opportunity again some day, and I am grateful I have already done it.

3) Babysitting - Both Ryan and I have had a lot of opportunities to help people out when they need a little extra help with their kids. I have stayed with my sisters' children a few times when she has gone on vacation, we have stayed over night with friends' children when they needed time alone, I have gone early in the morning to stay with another friends' kids while she delivered a baby, I have stayed with other friends' kids while they have attended doctors appointments, the temple, etc. I have had lots of opportunities to take care of kids. These opportunities not only provide me with a unique opportunity to serve (in many of these situations it would have been much more difficult if not impossible for someone with kids of their own to help out) which helps me feel useful and good, but also gives me an opportunity to start building parenting skills before I actually need them. There have been other unique service opportunities as well.

4) Serving in the YSA ward - Ryan was called into the bishopric (leadership) of the young single adult (YSA) ward 2.5 years ago. At that time I was asked to attend the ward with him. If we had children I don't think this would have happened since children are supposed to go to family wards. Although we miss our family ward we have enjoyed our time in the YSA ward and have had great opportunities to learn and to serve.

5) Travel - Ryan and I love to travel. We do so as often as we can. Since the time we started trying to have children we have been to Hawaii, Alaska, Europe, a Panama Canal Cruise, the Pacific Northwest, South Carolina, Illinois, MIchigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota, and have traveled around Texas and to Las Vegas/Southern Utah several times. We have had a really good time. I know you can travel with children, but it sure is easier without them. These trips have helped us grow closer together, have helped us enjoy the incredible earth our Heavenly Father has provided us, have helped us better appreciate the blessings we have, and have just helped us enjoy ourselves.

6) Post-doctorate - I never wanted to work full-time. I wanted to have children a little before i graduated and then be a full-time mom. Then hasn't worked out. A few months after I graduated I started my post-doctorate which is a period of time fully focused on research. Through doing research not only did I get experience that is somewhat required to work in my field, but I also learned a lot about autism and have an increased compassion for those effected by developmental disabilities, and perhaps most important I made several friends that have taught me and who I hope that I also taught some things.

7) Teaching - This year I have the opportunity to teach at TCU. I did my bachelor's in Biology Teaching and really enjoyed that. I do like teaching, but during my post-doc I only did research. I forgot how much I love teaching. I have really enjoyed teaching at TCU. I enjoy preparing my lessons (I have learned quite a bit as I have), I enjoy my students, I enjoy it (except grading - I don't like that part). I feel like I have been able to help some of my students which helps me feel good. And I am especially lucky to be teaching at a Christian school where I feel free to share gospel teachings, which I do.

8) Financial Security - With both Ryan and I working we have been able to become financially stable. We have gotten out of debt and have been able to save for retirement. I am not saying we are wealthy, but we do not face the financial stress that many other couples our age face.

9) Observe Parenting Styles - One of the things Ryan and I have done over the past 8 years is identify children we feel are well behaved and watch their interactions with their parents. We have watched many different parenting styles and have discussed what things we think work, what things we want to do with our children. I know that things are harder to actually implement, and I am not saying we will be the best parents in the world or that we will never make mistakes. But I do think we have learned things through our observations that will help us be better parents than we would have been if we had been blessed with children several years ago.

10) Time together - So far, we have had 8 1/2 years of just us. We have had time to talk, to date, to travel. We have had time to focus on improving a marriage. We have had a lot of time to grow together and to be consumed with each other. I think we will always cherish this time together. Once you have children you always do - we have this time to focus on just us, which is great. In fact, several months ago that idea came to me that I need to say prayers of thanks for this time in our lives. That we have been given this time as a special gift. That our lives are relatively easy at this time, they will not always be so easy. When the challenges come in the future we will be able to look back at this time and remember this special gift. We are grateful.

Does my gratitude for these opportunities minimize my desire for children? Absolutely not - I want them! I will give up travel today if that means I get children tomorrow? YES! I will gladly and readily accept children in to our lives whenever Heavenly Father feels we are ready for them. I feel ready now, 5 years ago really. But I am grateful for many things that have come in to my life because the blessing of children haven't. My life is a gift that I am incredibly grateful for!