For most holidays not having kids is hard because many holiday traditions are geared toward children and I want to be able to have the kids to do them with. I want to go trick-or-treating, dang it. I want to dress my kids up. I want Halloween parties. I want to make Halloween decorations and carve pumpkins. Yes, Ryan and I can do some of these things, but we want to do them with our kids. I want to set up Santa stuff and I want to watch my kids excitedly see their gifts. In Ryan's family I am the youngest, so there are no kids when we have Christmas with them. We still enjoy Christmas, but it is just different. My family has a ton of kids (I have 6 nieces and 20 nephews). This helps me. I like watching my nieces and nephews be excited. Last year was a little hard for me though. Most of my family lives in Las Vegas so they have their own homes, but all my previous Christmases with my family my two younger sisters have always been at my parent's house with me. Last year it was just Ryan and me at my parent's house. My sister Jenny didn't get to Las Vegas until Christmas afternoon and Maggi decided to stay at her house with her husband and son. Not only did this make Christmas Eve a little less exciting, but I also didn't get to just wake-up and be there when kids first saw their things. I understand that all my sisters need to do what's best for their families, but sometimes, especially at holidays, I feel a little left out. Still, usually having my nieces and nephews around helps.
The one holiday that is not made easier by having kids around is Mother's Day. Kids don't make it harder for me, and in truth I think it is not as hard on me as many people wanting and unable to be pregnant. But it is a day when my emotions are a little closer to the surface. I WANT to be a mom, but I'm not, and so it can be hard. I may cry a little bit, but then it passes and I am fine, and I can go on to celebrating my mom and mother-in-law and all the other fantastic women in my life, and feel blessed.
So, the point is that I still LOVE holidays and am so happy we have them, but they can bring with them a little sadness and a lot of longing, and that is okay.
5 comments:
We will likely always do Christmas morning at our house from now on, as it is just becoming too difficult to do it elsewhere, but we would always love to have you and Ryan here for Christmas morning and then we can all ride down to Vegas together. We really loved it when Mom and Dad came to visit for Christmas. And, it was fun to have Sarah around last year for Christmas morning. It's fun to have more family here for Christmas morning. So, we would be thrilled if you guys ever plan to come spend Christmas with us. On Norton Christmases, we will be here all day, but on Earl Christmases, we will head to Vegas after opening our family presents that morning.
Jenny
You have such an amazing attitude Amanda. You are a great example to me and to so many others. Even though you don’t have kids of your own, you are a great mother to your nieces and nephews. I know they all love to be around you. You are a very special person.
Emily Nelson
www.remarkable-home.blogspot.com
It's get a kid or move closer to nieces and nephews. Now you have 3 possibilities for new places to live -Salt Lake/Provo (aka Highland UT), Cedar City, Las Vegas. Maybe it's easier to find a child or 2. love, mom
I am enjoying reading your thoughts in these posts. I’m so sorry about this super difficult trial you have to deal with.
I feel certain that you will have kids to celebrate the holidays with, though. Whenever I have prayed that you will have kids I always get an immediate “yes” answer. So, I feel that the Lord will grant you this blessing at some point. I am hoping that it happens soon.
Love, Missy
Amanda, my heart aches for you. I can understand how holidays can bring out that longing you have for children even more. One thing is for sure: When you finally do have children, you will soak in every moment and appreciate it to its fullest. I try to remind myself often not to take for granted this time when my children are little. I always remember Grammy saying the happiest time in her life was when her kids were young. When the day comes that you're blessed with children, I think your heart will be even more capable of enjoying every moment and not taking the experiences for granted. "As exquisite as was (his - Alma's) pain, now is his joy full." I think your joy in that day will be amplified because of the pain that you feel now.
I love you and I look forward to that day!
Molly
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