When You're Not Chosen

I just read this post (here) and am now in tears. Adoption is HARD, it is hard for everyone involved (birth parents, adoptive parents, adoptees). It's beautiful, miraculous, wonderful, such an incredible gift, and I am so incredibly grateful for it, but it is hard. I ache for birth parents. I pray for them, I cry for them, I think about them. I have thought before about how hard it must be not only to choose whether to parent or not, but also to choose who the parents will be. I hadn't thought before that birth parents also ache for us - for those they didn't choose. From the time we started the adoption process (meaning actually had our profile up - not just all the time it took to know it was right and do all the necessary stuff to be able to adopt) until we became Abby's parents was 2.5 years. In those 2.5 years we were not contacted by a single prospective birth parent - not a single one. I knew that our profile had been looked at several times, but none of them contacted us. I started to wonder what was wrong with us - were we not good looking enough, not smart enough, do they not like our jobs, were we not funny enough - what about us wasn't enough to even inspire a desire to learn more about us. I knew intellectually that when our child's birth parent found us we would connect, and that a failed placement or not getting chosen would be hard, but still no contact was also a hit to my self-esteem. We've now had our profile up for over 6 months and again, no contact. (Our case worker did show our profile to a prospective birth mom but we were not chosen.) Having had things work out so perfectly with Abby I have more faith in my Father's plan and so I'm more patient - but still I wonder why don't you even want to know us? We have the cutest kid in the world that wants to be a big sister so badly and she will be fabulous! Why wouldn't you want that for your baby? Anyway, I digress. Before reading this post I never thought about birth parents thinking about those of us who they considered but didn't choose, but now I will. And I feel grateful that they care, and at the same time sad to add one more thing to their heart break.