Not Ours

A couple days ago I got a call from a case worker from an adoption agency we signed up with. She let me know that they had a potential match for us! She told me all about the expectant couple. This baby will be born December 1st, in Texas, about 4 hours away from us. The parents are both fully Caucasian - the mom is blonde with blue eyes, dad has brown hair. This is her 5th child (their 3rd together), she hasn't parented any of them. Her oldest daughter is smart - she's skipped a grade.
Before she even told me a single thing about the situation I didn't feel anything - not excitement, or joy, or anything. Hearing more about it I didn't receive any of those feelings. (The second I started reading the email in which I first learned about Abby I felt all those things and more, my eyes were watering and I could hardly breath.) I didn't feel like this was our baby, but I WANT one, I WANT Abby to have a playmate. I WANT more kids, and before we're in our 50s! She said we needed to let her know by the end of the day if we were interested in pursuing this match. So I called Ryan and told him all she'd told me. He was uncomfortable with it from the start. I didn't know if my lack of enthusiasm was because the baby really wasn't meant to be with us, or because I was disappointed s/he will be fully white (I would really like Abby to have a multi-racial sibling). Ryan said I that since neither of us were feeling right about it that I should just call her and tell her no. So that was my plan, but then when I thought about calling her and saying no to a baby I couldn't bring myself to do it. Oh, I want a baby, I really want one. And it wouldn't be terrible to have a child that looks similar to us. So I waited until Ryan got home and we talked some more. And then we prayed. And the moment he started praying about it I KNEW - it's NOT our baby. It's not. I don't know where or baby is, or when our baby will join us, but this one isn't ours. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and I trust His plan, and I know His plan will always be better than mine - but I sure would like to know a little bit more of the details of what that plan is exactly. Come on baby, we want you now!