I made a friend my freshman year at BYU - Ty. We stayed friends the whole time I was at BYU, and then I went on my mission and I haven't seen him since then. A few years ago he co-authored a book, In Quiet Desperation. Ryan gave it to me for Christmas a couple years ago and it changed my life. The first third of the book is written by the parents of Stuart Matis - an LDS man who suffered from same-gender attraction and after years of struggling took his life. I remember when that happened, I was at BYU and felt so much sorrow for him and his family. His parents tell of his struggle and what they learned from it. The last two thirds are written by Ty - he tells of his own struggles with same-gender attraction and what he has learned. I LOVE this book - I think EVERYONE should read it (READ IT!).
Some of my favorite people in this world have this struggle. My best-friend from BYU (we met the second day of our freshman year and have been good friends ever since) has same-gender attraction, has embraced it, and lives a homosexual life-style. I have a sister that has 4 good friends that I can think of that also have same-gender attraction. While I do not support homosexual activity, I have great compassion for these individuals.
Because of my experiences with people who deal with same-gender attraction I did not think I would necessarily learn a lot from this book, I just thought it would be interesting to read it. But I was WRONG. I learned a ton! I think anyone that reads it learns a ton. The thing that has been most beneficial to me was learning how to apply the atonement more fully. In fact, I learned more about the application of the atonement from this book than any other book I have ever read - not only for forgiveness of sin, but really to become a better person - through the strengthening, enabling, comforting power of it - how it can help you develop true charity. I learned that what your challenge is doesn't matter - we all have challenges designed to help us draw closer to Christ. Ty says that same-gender attraction is not a weakness, it is a challenge that exposes weakness, a weakness of faith.
Additionally, for some time I was of the opinion that it was wrong to encourage people with same-gender attraction to marry someone of the opposite sex - that this will only lead to pain for all involved. While I still believe that people with this challenge should not be encouraged to just get married, or that getting married will cure them of their attraction, Ty taught me that there are people with same gender-attraction who are blessed with a person in their lives of the opposite sex that they are sufficiently attracted to to have a happy and successful marriage. That even when they are married they may still be challenged with same-gender attraction, but when you are married the nature of your attraction doesn't matter, as long as you love your spouse and are faithful to him or her. I had never considered that as a possibility before - I am not sure why - it seems so obvious now. But since that time I have prayed that Ty would be able to find someone (a female) in his life that he could marry. I have corresponded with him a few times through email about his book, and about marriage.
Today Ty is getting married to an amazingly beautiful girl. I couldn't be more happy for them. I am 100% confident that Ty is just as attracted to her and in-love with her and devoted to her as I am to Ryan. That Heavenly Father could make such an opportunity possible for them is a miracle to me - and I am grateful to know of it.
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