#Placed

People often ask about why birth parents "gave up" their children for adoption. This phrase has been used for a long time. While I am not offended when someone uses it in relation to Abby, I do think it is offensive. Things that are given up are generally unwanted. Abby was never unwanted. Anyway, here is a video from birth parents about how they feel about that phrase and what they chose to say instead.

Walked Into Love

 

When I was nearing missionary age (21) I started to pray to see if it was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do.I felt strongly that He wanted me to go. After I got my mission call I started dating a guy seriously. By the time I left on my mission we were engaged for all intents and purposes. People asked me why I was still going on a mission if I had someone who wanted to marry me and who I wanted to marry. I told them it was because I knew Heavenly Father wanted me to serve a mission. I did ask Him if He still wanted me to go. He said yes. It wasn't a hard decision or choice for me. It was hard to leave that guy, but I was at peace with it. Half way through my mission I got sick, super sick. I had to come home to get well. It took me four months to get to the point that I was eligible to return to my mission. I didn't know if going back was right or not. I didn't know if I'd fulfilled what I had been sent there to do and should move on with new things or not. I prayed again to know. This time Heavenly Father didn't tell me what He wanted. The choice was up to me. It was a hard choice. I had loved being a missionary, but when you are first deciding about a mission you only know about the hard parts of missionary life from the stories of others. Knowing them first hand is totally different. I knew just how hard a mission was. I had to decide if I wanted to do that again. I decided to return. I asked my Father what He thought of that decision, He was okay with it. It was important for me that time to know I had chosen it, because when I went back I faced some of the biggest challenges of my mission. I was stretched in ways I had never considered. It was important that I know it was my choice to be there - Heavenly Father hadn't told me to do it, I chose it.
Ten years later we received the email telling us about Abby. Having been part of the adoption community for a few years I had heard lots of adoption stories. In all the stories I had heard people always said that once they saw their child they KNEW that was their child. I believed that when we met Abby we would KNOW whether she was meant to be our child, whether she had been sent for us. I thought it would be instantaneous. It wasn't. When we met her she was sweet and I enjoyed holding her and it was good to get to know Cheyenne. But I didn't feel an instant bond, I didn't feel an instant love for her beyond anything I'd felt for other babies. I felt good, but nothing overwhelming. This confused me. Ryan and I spent the rest of the day talking about it and praying about it. I know it probably sounds crazy that we wouldn't have just jumped at the chance to adopt a child, any child. But we want OUR children, and we want to feel that they are our children. When I prayed and asked Heavenly Father if she was ours I didn't get an answer. So it was up to us to decide. Did we want to parent a multi-racial child? Did we want to parent a child who's biological father denied paternity? Did we want to parent a child who's possibility of serious developmental problems was so high that the previously selected adoptive family had backed out? Did we want to parent this chubby, big-eyed, curly-haired little princess? Did we want to commit to a life-long (eternal) relationship with her birth-mom and family? Did we want this? And we decided yes, we did. And after we made the decision and told Cheyenne that we did want to and I again prayed about it, I received confirmation that this was in accordance with my Father's plan, but He wanted me to always remember this was my choice, that it was a benefit of adoption that we got to choose, and we chose Abby and everything that will go along with being her parents. I will be forever grateful for that choice - on of the best choices I have made (along with marrying her dad.)
So, my song for today is "I Choose You" by Sara Bareilleshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooiLP_zqnFs

Blessings of Infertility

The Easy Part

When I Was Broken

Yesterday I wrote a little about how shocked I was when the doctor told us the unlikelihood of us conceiving children on our own. I wasn't just shocked, I was broken. It was a state of depression I had never experienced before or since. I cried and couldn't stop crying. It was bad. One night when Ryan and I were eating dinner he told me that he could understand why this was hard on me, but he couldn't understand why I was struggling to the extent I was. He didn't understand why I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't understand either, I don't usually struggle so much. Luckily, soon after that we were ready to tell our families about what we were facing, and they started praying for us. And with that strength I was able to stop crying and start trusting in my Father's plan.
Two songs remind me of that broken state: "Her Diamonds" by Rob Thomas (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNCgfrjKcqs) and "Just Let Me Cry" by Hillary Weeks (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt0BKDOe3x0).

Thought You'd Be Here By Now

When I was 19 I was dating a guy 9 years older than me. He was ready to get married, I was not. I told him I had a plan - a 5 year plan. Over the next 5 years I planned to finish undergrad, go on a mission, then get married when I was 24. That's what happened. And that's pretty much how my life had always worked. I planned out how I wanted things to work, and then they did. Another part of my plan was that after I got married I would start graduate school, then when I was a little over half-way through we would start having kids. So, two years into graduate school I got of birth control. I have 23 nephews, 6 nieces (well I now have 7 because my nephew just got married!!!!!!!!!!!!) - my family does not struggle with creating kiddos. I have always wondered if it would be a little harder for me just because of some wording in a blessing I received when I was 17. But a year after I stopped birth control and I decided it was time to discuss it with my doctor. We saw 4 doctors, did multiple tests. It was awful. But not until the day when one of those doctors told us that we would likely not be able to conceive on our own did I really start to worry about whether we would actually ever get to be parents in this life. I really thought we would just be told some simple things to do and then things would work out. It was a long wait from when we first decided we were ready to start growing our family until that amazing day of parenthood finally came. A LONG WAIT. Even when we were told about how hard it would be I thought it would maybe be a year or two. And then after that time had come and gone and we started to pursue adoption I again thought maybe a year, maybe two at the MOST. It took longer. Luckily, I have a very loving Heavenly Father that told me sometime during that wait that WE WOULD be parents, but we were just going to have to wait, there was nothing we could do to speed up the process. That was comforting, for many reasons. It was good to know that the day would come that we would be parents. It was good to know we hadn't ruined our chances - part of me wondered if we had waited too long to start trying (I was only 26). And it was good to know that things would work out according to His timing. There is this feeling when you are trying to have kids that you should do EVERYTHING possible - foster, in vitro, every agency you can possibly afford (and get some loans or something if you can't), etc - and if you're not doing all those things at once then you must not want to be a parent badly enough. But He told me, there was nothing we could do but wait. We waited, not super patiently smile emoticon. But Abby was worth the wait!
Each day this month I will post a song that reminds me of adoption and that kind of goes along with our adoption story. My song for today is "Thought You'd Be Here" by Wes King: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8QqKe5d95U

(Some of other songs along the same theme are "Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble, "Beautiful Things" by Gunger, and "I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)" - by Aretha Franklin and George Michael)

National Awareness Month

Hey everyone! November is National adoption month. Every day this month I will be posting adoption related stuff several times a day. If you get tired of it sorry, it's just one month smile emoticon

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