Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day

On Mother's Day Abby's birth mom, Cheyenne, joined us for church. This is the third time she has come with us. The first time was within the first few weeks after Abby was released from the hospital. The second time was when Abby was blessed at 6 months. So it's been a while. I enjoyed having her there with us both of those times, but having her join us for Mother's Day was extra special! I was grateful for the chance to share this special day with her as we were both honored for our roles as mothers. And I was grateful that I was able to enjoy it so much. At the beginning of our adoption, when I was less secure with what having Cheyenne in our lives meant for my role as mom, I don't know that I could have enjoyed it quite as much. It is hard for me to know how to describe how I felt then compared to now. I always wanted her in our lives, I always wanted her to be part of it, and I always felt like I was Abby's mom. I just feel more secure now and better understand the role of a birth mother. And I guess, if I'm being totally honest with myself, at first I didn't want to share. I know that probably sounds selfish, after all Cheyenne had just made the hugest sacrifice ever and made it possible for me to even be a mom. But I had waited SO LONG to be a mom. I really wanted an infant so I could have the experience of us both just being totally consumed with each other. It was hard for me to share her with anyone, not just Cheyenne. But sharing the role of motherhood has been something I have had to grow into - it did not come naturally to me. It was hard on me that my body didn't produce a child and I really just wished for an experience similar to a mother who does grow her own child. But that wasn't my experience. I am happy that over the years I have become increasingly grateful that that wasn't my experience. There are so many hard things about adoption, but so many wonderful things too. I'm so grateful to be where I am now in this journey, so grateful to share motherhood with Cheyenne, and grateful she made it all possible!