Friday, January 31, 2014

I love birth mamas!

I love birth moms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I have always loved this song, and cry every time I hear it. Always have, since I was 12 or something.

Her Sweet Little Story


Thursday, January 30, 2014

What to do this time

Not being able to conceive children but really wanting them is an interesting (for lack fo a better word) situation. Ryan and I were married for 9 years before Abby joined our family. During those years without children we received a lot of advice from people, and a lot of questions. It is hard for people to understand how you can want something so much and not be doing every single thing possible to get it. Why weren't we doing in-vitro while at the same time trying to adopt (and using multiple agencies) and fostering kids and trying to adopt sibling groups through the state? The answer is, we didn't just want kids, we wanted "our" kids, the ones meant for us. And we prayed - multiple times every day to know what we needed to be doing to bring our children into our family. Through our prayers we knew we would have children, but we knew we had to wait. Do you have any idea how hard it is to just wait for what you want, to know that there is nothing you can do to speed up the process to get the thing you want so much? If you've been in a similar situation you probably do. But for those that don't, I'll tell you - it is crazy hard.
We've had Abby for almost 2 years now, and it has been awesome. We love her so much and are so grateful that we waited for her. So many things that we wanted to happen but didn't were answers to our prayers in getting "our" children into our family.
We still want more kids. We want Abby to have siblings and we want more little spirits in our home. So again we are faced with wondering what we should be doing to bring our children home. This time as I pray I'm not told to just wait. This time my answer has been to get the word out to as many people as possible. That's the reason I started an adoption facebook page. And for anyone that would like to help us get the word out I would so appreciate it, help us get the word out to as many people as possible, so when our baby is ready to come to us we will find each other. Thanks so much for any help you provide in helping us find our baby!

Gave Up?

I actually really dislike the phrase "gave up" in relation to adoption. When people ask me why Abby's birth mom "gave her up" I cringe inside. Just FYI, it is much nicer to say that children are placed for adoption rather than given up. Giving up implies something not wanted - you give up a bad habbit. Children are not placed for adoption because they are unwanted, they are placed because they are loved. And that is why I like the meaning of this quote - birth moms love their babies so much that they place them in order for the child to have the life they know they deserve but can't provide. And that is why Abby will always know how much Cheyenne loves her and will be grateful for her.

Monday, January 27, 2014

I Will Carry You

I heard this song for the first time yesterday. It was shared on a page for adoptive parents, birth parents, adoptees. I loved it - it starts out "There were photographs I wanted to take, things I wanted to show you, sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes". I thought it was a birth mom singing to a child she placed, I of course thought of Abby's amazing birth mom and I cried as I listened and was filled with gratitude for her while my heart also broke for the loss she felt/feels. I thought that I would like to put together a video of photos of Abby and Cheyenne with this song playing. As I looked into the song more I found a video of the lady that wrote the song and her husband who sings it telling about how it came about. They did not have a child that they placed for adoption. It's not adoption related at all. They had 3 little girls and were pregnant with their 4th. They went in for a routine ultrasound and were told that their baby had serious birth defects (she had non-working kidneys and so there was no amniotic fluid and she had heart problems as well.) They were told they wouldn't be able to carry her full-term and that even if she was delivered alive she would live maybe a minute. They were encouraged to abort her, saying it was the humane things to do. They chose life. Hearing about the intended meaning behind the song I thought about my friend who just had a miscarriage. She went in for her ultrasound to find out the sex of her baby. She had her 2 daughters with her. They had all been wanting a baby for so long, praying for years and were all so excited to find out if a boy or girl would be joining their family. Instead they found out the baby had died. I have been completely heart broken for them ever since. I thought of all my sisters and friends that have had miscarriages or have had children pass away. I thought about Cheyenne and how when she found out she was pregnant she was encouraged to have an abortion. She chose life instead. I thought about Abby and how the trauma that occurred during her delivery caused such a high likelihood of long-term special needs that the couple that had traveled from New York to adopt her backed out, and so we were given the chance to be her parents. And I thought about my mom, who when she was pregnant with me was told that I would have such severe birth defects that I would never function independently, that I would be both mentally retarded and physically handicapped - her doctor encouraged abortion, she switched doctors. For me, this song is for every one that has had a baby, wishing for a wonderful,long life for him/her, and not seen that wish realized and for everyone that has chosen life (and not only life, but chosen to give that child a life that she couldn't provide herself.)

The Gift of You


Thursday, January 23, 2014

Grown in my heart


Book Worm

The first thing Abby did this morning after getting down from breakfast was grab my hand and take me to her book shelves so I could lift her up and she could pick out some books. She then directed me to grab her hippo and put it here so she could lounge and read. Seriously, a girl after my own heart. And she has it, totally. I LOVE this girl!