Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Turning my burdens over

I had had a migraine every day for over a week, maybe close to two - I couldn't remember any more, I just knew I hurt and I was tired. Each day I would wake up with one, I would try less dramatic medications first to get rid of it, if that didn't work, I would pullout the big guns (Imitrex). I have had migraines the majority of my life, I think since 5th grade. I have always gotten them with greater frequency than most migraine sufferers, usually about 2/3 of the days I have them (although a little more than a year ago I started taking a medication that has significantly reduced the frequency of my migaraines - thank you modern medicine.) I handle migraines fairly well having had them so long - this is a trial I can generally deal with. But at the end of a long migraine stretch like the one I was experiencing I do get tired and my tolerance dinimishes significantly. Unfortunately, at the end of this stretch my medications weren't working very effectively anymore. Saturday I had been able to dull the pain with meds, even though I had taken 2 Imitrex, but never got rid of it. Sunday I had tried taking my mom's migraine medication, Cafergott, and it didn't even dull the pain. There were going to be 50+ people coming over for our family Christmas party, I had done all I could think of to do, and I was in a lot of pain and couldn't deal with it anymore.
I then thought about how the Lord has been carrying my burden of the pain of infertility for me for so long, making it so I rarely feel it and still enjoy life. And I figured if He can do that then maybe he can just as easily carry physical pain as well. I didn't comprehend how it would work, but I figured I would give it a shot. And so I prayed, and told my Heavenly Father about my pain, and how tired I was, and that I had tried all I could do. I told Him I was grateful migraines are my trial rather than diabetes or some other physical afflication (which I am truly grateful about) but that I was ready for this migraine to be done. I told Him I knew He was able to make my burdens so light I couldn't feel it because he had done it for me already and even though I didn't comprehend how it would work for physical pain, I believed it was possible. So if he could please either take the pain away, or help me carry it, or make me stronger so I could carry it better, I would really appreciate it. I wouldn't say immediately but within the hour my migraine eased so considereably that it was hardly noticeable, just a nuisance. The next day was my first migraine free day. I have since always had threatening migraines, my head has been sore when I wake up and I know that I am on the verge of getting one, or maybe the migraine is there and I am just not feeling the full force of it. But reading the scripture again, I think the Lord answered all three of my requests:Mosiah 24:14-15:

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who answers prayers and an incredible older brother, Jesus Christ, who through the atonement made it possible for me to find strength and comfort and release through pain when I need it!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Getting to Know Me

So my sister sent me this in an email in September, and I am just now getting around to it - but I thought I would put it here as well.

Here is the new 2008 edition of getting to know your family and friends.
Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the
fun. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a
bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.
Some of you may get this several times; that means you have lots of friends.
The easiest way to do it is to hit 'forward' so you can change the answers
or copy and paste. Have fun and be truthful!

1. What is your occupation right now? Well, I wouldn't really claim to have an occupation, but I work at Sylvan Learning Center part-time as a tutor and I am also doing a part-time post-doc at The Center for Brain Health where we research memory

2. What color are your socks right now? cream

3. What are you listening to right now? the washing machine & dryer and my oven-timer, better go check it

4. What was the last thing that you ate? a banana

5. Can you drive a stick shift? of course, which is a good thing because in some countires it costs more to rent a car if you will only rent automatic - I hate being limited - Thank you parents for demanding we all learn to drive stick

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Ryan

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? of course, I love all my sisters

8. How old are you today? 29

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Gymnastics

10. What is your favorite drink? water

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Never. (Unless lemon juice counts as a dye)

12. Favorite food? favorite? I am not very good at favorites, but my mom's tacos are my favorites I suppose

13. What is the last movie you watched? Skipping Christmas

14. Favorite day of the year? Christmas or Thanksgiving - I love them both, I mainly just like to be with my family so whatever makes that possible is great

15. How do you vent anger? I would claim frustration more often than anger - but if I were to ever say I was truly angry I would probably be yelling - this is not a good thing, but as the last time I remember this happening was before my mission, maybe it is not too bad. I should find a better outlet though - any ideas?

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Here's another favorite question - not so good at these. I don't think I had one. I liked to play with people, not so much by myself. I was lucky because I had lots of sisters, and my best-friend lived across the street. I guess the toys Wendi (my best-friend) and I played witht he most were Barbies, but we spent more tiem setting up the houses than actually playing with them. Mostly I liked things that let me be imaginative - so school was fun, house, cars, Barbies, things like that.

17. What is your favorite season? Spring or Fall - I am not so good at favorites - in Texas I would probably pick Spring just because I love the wild flowers here so much, but anywhere else I love the two equally

18. Cherries or Blueberries? Fresh cherries. Mmmmmmmmm.

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Yes

20. When was the last time you cried? Not sure, but it probably wasn't super long ago, within the last month at least, but not because of being sad or upset, just emotional

21. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes, bottles of water, some belts, a few bags, one laundry pile, a safe, a box of "stuff"

22. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this too? Well, if you count family, then there's a huge tie between family members - especially since I will only be emailing this to family

22. What did you do last night? worked on editing DVDs of our trips

23. What are you most afraid of? failure, I just prefer to be successful - but luckily I know the atonement will make up where I fall short as long as I try my hardest

24. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburger? I would take a spicy cheeseburger

25. Favorite dog breed? Favorites again, are you kidding me? Well, I adored our Irish Setter, I want a lab, I love my sister's Weim, I think Golden Retreivers are fantastic, I really like Cockerspaniels and Bassethounds - and I am sure there are tons of breeds that I would also love but am not as familiar with. I generally prefer big dogs to small dogs.

26. Favorite day of the week? I prefer the weekend so I can spend time with Ryan

27. How many states have you lived in? Nevada, Utah, California, Texas - 4

28. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds, but I would take pearls too - diamonds are my birthstone though

29. What is your favorite flower? I love gerber daisies, daffodils, tulips, roses - I love the wild flowers in Texas, and in Alaska (they are ENORMOUS there), orchids, calalilys - I just like flowers

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin


In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have twelve apostles, just like when Christ set up his church. We often refer to them as the Quorum of the 12 or just the 12. The twelve are called as special witnesses of Christ and go throughout the world testifying of him. They are also part of the governing body of the church and when it is time for general conference we get to hear from all of them (usually). I always love listening to the twelve and learning from them, but sometimes there are a few talks that I find especially meaningful. This past conference there were a lot of talks I really loved and I have been reading them again to learn as much as I can from them. One of these talks was by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin. It was about how even though we go through some hard times in life, we still can love life. I thought it was particularly applicable considering what a stressful time this is for most people during this economic crisis we are in. It is a great talk so if you have not yet read it, here it is, you will really enjoy it:

Come What May, and Love It
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

When I was young I loved playing sports, and I have many fond memories of those days. But not all of them are pleasant. I remember one day after my football team lost a tough game, I came home feeling discouraged. My mother was there. She listened to my sad story. She taught her children to trust in themselves and each other, not blame others for their misfortunes, and give their best effort in everything they attempted.

When we fell down, she expected us to pick ourselves up and get going again. So the advice my mother gave to me then wasn’t altogether unexpected. It has stayed with me all my life.

“Joseph,” she said, “come what may, and love it.”

I have often reflected on that counsel.

I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result.

There may be some who think that General Authorities rarely experience pain, suffering, or distress. If only that were true. While every man and woman on this stand today has experienced an abundant measure of joy, each also has drunk deeply from the cup of disappointment, sorrow, and loss. The Lord in His wisdom does not shield anyone from grief or sadness.

For me, the Lord has opened the windows of heaven and showered blessings upon my family beyond my ability to express. Yet like everyone else, I have had times in my life when it seemed that the heaviness of my heart might be greater than I could bear. During those times I think back to those tender days of my youth when great sorrows came at the losing end of a football game.

How little I knew then of what awaited me in later years. But whenever my steps led through seasons of sadness and sorrow, my mother’s words often came back to me: “Come what may, and love it.”

How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.

If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.

Over the years I have learned a few things that have helped me through times of testing and trial. I would like to share them with you.


Learn to Laugh

The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?

There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh.

I remember loading up our children in a station wagon and driving to Los Angeles. There were at least nine of us in the car, and we would invariably get lost. Instead of getting angry, we laughed. Every time we made a wrong turn, we laughed harder.

Getting lost was not an unusual occurrence for us. Once while heading south to Cedar City, Utah, we took a wrong turn and didn’t realize it until two hours later when we saw the “Welcome to Nevada” signs. We didn’t get angry. We laughed, and as a result, anger and resentment rarely resulted. Our laughter created cherished memories for us.

I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date. She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell rang. In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She introduced him to me and my wife and the other children; then she put on her coat and went out the door. We watched as she got into the car, but the car didn’t move. Eventually our daughter got out of the car and, red faced, ran back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually come to pick up another of our daughters who had agreed to be a babysitter for him and his wife.

We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing. Now I realize that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today.

The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable.


Seek for the Eternal

The second thing we can do is seek for the eternal. You may feel singled out when adversity enters your life. You shake your head and wonder, “Why me?”

But the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt.

I love the scriptures because they show examples of great and noble men and women such as Abraham, Sarah, Enoch, Moses, Joseph, Emma, and Brigham. Each of them experienced adversity and sorrow that tried, fortified, and refined their characters.

Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.

Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.

Remember the sublime words of the Savior to the Prophet Joseph Smith when he suffered with his companions in the smothering darkness of Liberty Jail: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”1

With that eternal perspective, Joseph took comfort from these words, and so can we. Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome.


The Principle of Compensation

The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.

One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father.

Because Heavenly Father is merciful, a principle of compensation prevails. I have seen this in my own life. My grandson Joseph has autism. It has been heartbreaking for his mother and father to come to grips with the implications of this affliction.

They knew that Joseph would probably never be like other children. They understood what that would mean not only for Joseph but for the family as well. But what a joy he has been to us. Autistic children often have a difficult time showing emotion, but every time I’m with him, Joseph gives me a big hug. While there have been challenges, he has filled our lives with joy.

His parents have encouraged him to participate in sports. When he first started playing baseball, he was in the outfield. But I don’t think he grasped the need to run after loose balls. He thought of a much more efficient way to play the game. When a ball was hit in his direction, Joseph watched it go by and then pulled another baseball out of his pocket and threw that one to the pitcher.

Any reservations that his family may have had in raising Joseph, any sacrifices they have made have been compensated tenfold. Because of this choice spirit, his mother and father have learned much about children with disabilities. They have witnessed firsthand the generosity and compassion of family, neighbors, and friends. They have rejoiced together as Joseph has progressed. They have marveled at his goodness.


Trust in the Father and the Son

The fourth thing we can do is put our trust in our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.”2 The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in.

He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong.3

One of our daughters, after giving birth to a baby, became seriously ill. We prayed for her, administered to her, and supported her as best we could. We hoped she would receive a blessing of healing, but days turned into months, and months turned into years. At one point I told her that this affliction might be something she would have to struggle with the rest of her life.

One morning I remember pulling out a small card and threading it through my typewriter. Among the words that I typed for her were these: “The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.”

She did put her trust in God. But her affliction did not disappear. For years she suffered, but in due course, the Lord blessed her, and eventually she returned to health.

Knowing this daughter, I believe that even if she had never found relief, yet she would have trusted in her Heavenly Father and “[left] the rest to Him.”


Conclusion

Although my mother has long since passed to her eternal reward, her words are always with me. I still remember her advice to me given on that day long ago when my team lost a football game: “Come what may, and love it.”

I know why there must be opposition in all things. Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it.

As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may, and love it.” Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


NOTES
1. D&C 121:7–8.
2. John 3:16.
3. See Ether 12:27.

Elder Wirthlin died last week. This makes me very sad. Not for him, he was 91 and I have noticed over the past couple conferences that he has been getting pretty weak. Also, his wife died a couple years ago and I am sure their reunion was quite sweet. But I will miss him and his counsel. I am so grateful that he was able to give this talk before passing away. I am also grateful for the opportunity I had to meet him. About 6 years ago, when Ryan and I were dating, his sister Heather as going into the MTC. Her parents came to Provo with her and we all went to do a temple session in Salt Lake. After, we decided to go eat in the Joseph Smith Memorial building and in the restaurant Elder Wirthlin was with his family and waiting to be seated. We didn't want to pester him while he was enjoying time with his family, but he shook our hands and was friendly. What a kind man. I am grateful for him and all that he taught me and the great life he lived.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

My Dad

Today is my dad's birthday. He turned 64, although if you were to ask him I think he would claim closer to 34. Which do you think he looks more like? Maybe in between the two.

Anyway, I just thought since it is his birthday I would share some of the reasons why I love him and feel so blessed to be his daughter.
1 - He is a fantastic dad
2 - He is a fantastic husband
3 - He is a hard worker
4 - He is very kind
5 - He is really funny
6 - He is dedicated to living the gospel
7 - He loves his family
8 - He has a great laugh
9 - He has had this best-friend since he was just a kid and they chose to live where they do so they could be close to each other - they live in the same ward (or LDS congregation, which are decided geographically kind of like zoning for schools). I don't know many adults who even have friends that they still are in contact with from childhood - and they not only made sure to live in the same city but within a couple miles of each other and I think it is awesome
10 - He loves movies and you can always know what good movies are coming out or are out by talking to him
11 - He makes the BEST Banana Milke shakes in the world
12 - He pretends not to like pets, but when we had our dog I would often findhim alone with her, lying on her stomach - or I'll find him petting our cats, or whatever - and he spoils my sister's dog as much as anyone - he loves pets
13 - He served a mission, and he did so at a time when not everyone was and when he could easily have gotten out of it because at first they weren't going to let him go becauase they thought he had hepatitis (they were wrong) and he was already engaged to my mom and would have prefered to stay and marry her - but he chose to go on a mission anyway, and I think that is awesome
14 - He is super smart
15 - He almost never yells
16 - He is a die-hard Rebel Basketball fan and even though he sometimes considers stopping his donation to the scholarship fund when they are stinking it up for a long time, he never does - and his love for the Rebels is contagious, not only are all of his kids fans, but all our husbands are too
17 - He is a great father-in-law, he has 7 sons-in-law and loves them all
18 - He has a great sense of humor
19 - He loves music, I don't know how many CDs and records he has, but I would guess thousands
20 - He is the BEST DENTIST ever - he cares a lot about the quality of his dentistry and so he won't become a dentist for PPOs or HMOs, not because he wants to be able to charge a lot, but because if he were to do that he would not be able to use the same quality of materials he uses nor spend the time he does and stay within the budgethtey dictate and he cares too much about his dentistry to do that - and when he gives shots you don't even feel it, which I have been given lots of shots by other people and I always feel it, but he takes so much time giving them that you just don't. I am not a very good dentist's daughter - I didn't take care of my teeth as well as I probably should have, and I have had tons of cavities (I have no idea how many) and I even had to have a root canal. I think for most people that would be a big deal - not for me, not even painful, because my dad is awesome. He also took out all my wisdom teeth and I could eat the next day. He's the best.
21 - He is a fantastic grandpa - he currently has 20 grandkids with 3 more on the way. All the grandkids adore him because he is the best, and he loves them.
22 - He is proud of his children
23 - He gets up super early Thursday mornings so he can serve in the temple for several hours, and then he goes to work.
24 - He is well educated, continues to seek education in his field, and encouraged us to become well educated
25 - He is a good artist
26 - He makes awesome chocolate chip cookies
27 - He would take us on dates growing up - I am not positive if this is accurate, but it seemed like at least once a weekend he would take one of us on a date, which I think is great, especially for dad's of big families so we could all get one-on-one time him
28 - He was always worthy to give us blessings, and he not only gave htem when we were sick or something but at the begining of every school year.
29 - He loves animals, if he goes on trips the biggest higlights are generally his animal sightings
30 - He was so good to his parents
31 - He sees the best in people
32 - He does not talk bad behind people's backs
33 - He is diligent in whatever his responsibilities are - for example, he always does his home teaching
34 - He is always teaching me things
35 - He has a strong testimony of the truthfulness of the restored gospel
36 - He is a great example of what a true disciple of Christ should be and people have actually joined the church after watching his example
37 - He is easy to buy presents for - because he loves music and movies if you an't think of something else you can always buy him a CD or DVD and know that it will be enjoyed - most men are not so easy
38 - He's built his own speakers, twice - I am not talking about some small speakers, I mean speakers that are as big as twin beds - they are prety amazing
39 - He always give thanks and reminds us of the importance of giving thanks, even in trials
40 - On his 40th birthday he ran 20 miles. He took our whole family to the UNLV track with him and he ran the 80 laps. I know that a lot of people have run marathons and maybe 20 miles does not seem like a big deal, but I also believe that not all of us are genetically programmed to be runners - it is just easier for some people to run than others (I hate running and it is much easier for me to swim a mile than run it - I am not genetically programmed to run, neither is my dad). I think 20 miles for someone who is not suited for running is more like 40 miles for someone who is, so I think it is way cool that he did that on his 40th birthday.
41 - He is humble
42 - He is charitable
43 - He is a great provider
44 - He always led our family without being controlling - he led by example and by teaching correct principles but we never had a lot of rules
45 - He and my mom were equals, he never tried to dominate her
46 - He knows how to deal with depression - I think a lot of people use depression as an excuse or at least let it get in the way, but my dad learned how to deal with his depressions early, which is great because not only does he not let his depressions gt in his way but he has taught all of us how to deal with our depressions
47 - He would have interviews with us when we were growing up - I am not sure how often they were, but I remember meeting with him one-on-one in his room and just discussing things with him - I think this is a great idea
48 - He can do more pull-ups than most guys half his age
49 - He's way protective of us - for example, if I were walking with him he would make sure he was walking on the side of the side-walk closest to the street, and if we were to cross the street he would grab my hand to make sure I would stay with him - this wasn't just when I was little, this was when I was a teenager - I love it!
50 - He has great hands - yes, I know it may sound weird that there is something physical about my dad that I love, but I have a thing about hands and I think my dad's are great and when I was dating guys I would consider whether I liked their hands or not - generally I liked them if they were of a similar shape as my dad's and disliked them if they weren't - luckily, Ryan has excellent hands as well
51 - He took us on great trips
52 - He is a great traveller; I am not sure if there is another couple that Ryan and I like traveling with more than my parents because they travel exactly like we do. They want to be out doing stuff as much as possible - preferably walking around seeing stuff or hiking. (Unfortunately they are not scuba certified because they would love that.) They don't care too much about staying at super nice places or eating at expenisive restaurants - the money goes to getting the places we want to get to, and then packing in as much as we can while we are there so you leave the trip tired.
53 - He has a music room - in a bedroom-sized room in our basement is a room that has all his stereo equipment, a TV and VCR system, but also all this stuff to minimize sound waves from bouncing off walls - like foam on the walls and ceiling, and this wood thing on the back wall where these wood panels come out at different levels (yeah, I don'tunderstand it either), and of course he has his huge speakers. He spends hours improving his system all the time. It always sounds good to me. But it is truly amazing. If I remember correctly it has been featured in a stereo magazine and a violinist who has played in various movies has come to see it. Yes, he is famous.
54 - He is a healthy eater - growing up we pretty much had no sugar in the house. Our most sugary cereal was Cheerios - maybe Wheeties are more sugary, but you get the point. We sometimes could add honey. We didn't eat candy, but we always had fruit. As a result I eat more fruit than most people I know.
55 - He loves my mom, you can tell (I wish everyone could say their dad loved their mom)
56 - He is honest
57 - He is very patient
58 - He looks on the positive side of things
59 - He give great dune-buggy rides
60 - He is super generous
61 - He gave me my widows peak - I have had plenty of people lament for me that I have it or suggest that I shave it or such things - but it is part of who I am, it makes me unique, and it ties me to my family, and even though it makes my hair a bit challenging in some ways I am happy to have it
62 - He gives great hugs
63 - He is the father of 7 GIRLS - how could you not love someone who has pulled that off successfully, and he did a great job, despite all our hormones
64 - He's MY dad, and I love him and would not trade him for any other
Happy Birthday Dad!